Kids Say the Darndest Things
Yes, I admit I am lazy so today’s post is compliments of the Big One. She says some funny stuff. And since I am no longer in the mood to be funny I offer these “Allie-isms” for your reading pleasure. (damn freaking dog peed in the house, AGAIN! Right in front I me, I watched her circle, squat and pee. It’s the most aggravating thing ever!}
- “Well, I don’t like Heaven, I just want Max to come home.”
- “Mommy, this is a spiwing cup… you know why? Because it doesn’t have a wid.”
- “Mommy, are these on the right eyes?” When checking to see if her glasses were on right.
- “I’m just kicking my shoes off cause I mad at you Mommy!”
- “Maybe I’ll sleep for you tomorrow, Momma.”
- “When I get bigger, I’ll dwive this car and rowl down de windows.”
- “Don’t worry guys, it’s just pwetend, it won’t bite your balls.” {It was a pretend tiger and we were rolling the balls back and forth}
- “No I don’t want to talk about my owie… you just put a Band-Aid on it.”
- “I’m not yewwing at Sawah, I’m yewwing at dis elephant.”
- “Mommy, when there is blood, I can cwy.”
- “SARAH! NO swiping! SARAH! NO swiping!”
- “Mommy, this hand is holding the snack cup and this hand is eating the snack, so I can’t wipe my butt. “
- FixItMommy: “Who are we going to pray for tonight?”
Big One: “Me, so I won’t be naughty.”
Another First, WAHOO!
Another First, WAHOO!
The Little One is 18 months old so there are not too many “firsts” in our household. We’ve surpassed the first steps, words, smiles, teeth, etc. So imagine my utter delight when I discovered we had a first today.
Did you pick up on the sarcasm there? If so, let’s take a moment until you figure out I was being sarcastic. I know you are dying to know what happened now so without further adieu, our first today? Well it was the first time a child of mine clogged up the toilet.
Yes the Big One is 3.5 years old and today was the first time she clogged up the toilet. Now I am thanking my lucky stars that it was just toilet paper and not some toys, food, stuffed animal or silverware. It was simply toilet paper. And let’s face it, a toilet clogged with toilet paper is no match for the FixItMommy. So I showed the Big One how the toilet plunger worked and we are in business again.
She was fascinated with the process. She had seen the plunger standing in wait next to mommy and daddy’s toilet for years. This was the first time she’d seen it in action. It is even better for her because it’s blue (her favorite color in case you haven’t been paying attention).
Yes, the part about gratitude for just toilet paper is the utter truth. I am just waiting for the day (which I fear will be very soon) that something more difficult ends up down the toilet. The Big One was never very interested in throwing stuff in there. The Little One, on the other hand, is a whole other animal. So far she has thrown rather innocuous stuff: graham crackers, goldfish, rocks, a mini-slinky, an empty toilet paper roll, a maxipad and other random stuff she pulls out of the trash can (EWWWWW, I know). So far, I’ve been successful in fishing the unauthorized stuff out (EWWWWWW, again I know, but you do what you gotta do).
So today, my friends knock on wood with me and pray that the Little One never gets quicker than the FixItMommy or tall enough to reach the flusher. And my plumbing stays intact.
{That tall comment is again sarcasm… for those of you not intimately aware of our challenges, the Little One is all of 27 inches tall. That’s way too short for an 18 month old. According to those trusty height predictors on this here fabulous Internet she will only be 4’5″ as an adult. So I do pray every night that she will suddenly hit a growth spurt and be tall enough to reach the flusher.}
He is Sabotaging Me
“He” is the Husband in this case. We haven’t even started potty training the Little One (she’s only 18 months old) but when the time comes I am going to be toast.
The Little One has a basic understanding of the concept, but really doesn’t get it. She will say “poo poo” and then go sit on the little potty in the bathroom. Granted she is still wearing her diaper and pants, so she sort of gets what she is supposed to do, but not really.
Well the way we finally convinced the Big One that going on the potty was cool was to bribe her with M&Ms. Even though she’s been out of diapers for several months, she goes in phases where she asks for an M&M and a sticker for a potty reward. I figure it’s one M&M so it’s no big deal.
The other day I was out and the Husband was in charge. Apparently after the Big One went potty he gave both girls an M&M. So now the Little One thinks that every time the Big One goes potty and gets an M&M, somehow she deserves one too.
It’s very sad to see her standing at the counter saying “nemandnem…nemandnem…nemandnem.” So now I am going to have to figure out a new plan for bribing the Little One to go on the potty.
Damn Husband.
Drama Queen in Training
So yesterday the Big One pooped in her panties {again}. We had a rough day. She was screaming, crying and running up and down the upstairs hallway when she was supposed to be “resting.” I’ve given up on the nap concept with her, but she is supposed to quietly rest.
So in addition to waking up the Little One, she then pooped. I was not happy. I asked her why she pooped in her pants. She told me that she thought it was funny. I tried explaining that it was not funny. I told her putting her panties on her head was funny, pooping in them was not funny.
So we moved on with our day and the Husband came home. I told the Big One that she needed to tell daddy what she had done. We share the good and the not-so-good with daddy every day.
So when she told daddy that she pooped in her panties and he asked her why… she told him “because I was mad a mommy!”
Holy cow! What am I going to do when she is 16 and gets mad at me. I hope this is not a sign of things to come.
Dora (and Diego) Says…
It’s happened to most of us with pre-school age kids. That darn Dora said something in Spanish, your three-year-old picked up on it and is now saying it over and over and over again. And despite 5 years of Spanish between high school and college you cannot for the life of you figure it out. Well here is my little guide to help you decipher what it is Dora is saying {and sometimes Diego too}.
Dora Translation Guide
Hola ~ Hello
Come On vamanos ~ Come on let’s go!
Lo Hicimos ~ We did it!
Feliz cumpleaños ~ Happy Birthday!
Muy Bien ~ very good
Gracias ~ Thank you
Al rescate ~ to the rescue
Empujen ~ push
Para ~ stop
Abre ~ open
Salta ~ jump
Rapido ~ fast
Mueve te~ you move
Ayuda me~ Help me
La Lechuza~ owl
Bombero ~ firefighter
Mochila ~ Backpack
Fiesta ~ party
Fresa ~ Strawberry
Luna~ Moon
Estrella ~ star
Pelota ~ ball
Azul~ blue
Rojo~ red
Amarillo ~ yellow
Naranja ~ orange
Morado ~ purple
There are many, many, many more and I will add them as my mommy brain remembers them (or the Big One starts repeating them). This is just the list off the top of my head.
Please feel free to add yours in the comments. Or ask me if you need a translation, I’ll do my best to decipher it for you.
Oh Man. Her Head!
I’ve talked before about how the Little One is quite the bruiser. She has no fear and tries desperately to keep up with the Big One.
Well on Friday, I really thought she was done for. She’s never whacked herself this hard before. Honestly I was grateful to have my mother-in-law here as a witness. I really thought she was hurt terribly bad and we were going to the hospital. Somehow she just got up and went about her business after a few minutes of crying.
So today I offer up this pictorial PSA.
Infant socks
+Tile
+
Shoe storage rack
=
Disaster
But in true Little One fashion, does she seem at all bothered by it? {ignore the red pen all over her lips, it’s Crayola not Revlon!}This was on Sunday… two days after the crash.
Like Father, Like Daughter
And in this house, that means WRONG! Everyone knows that the FixItMommy is always right. I don’t even know why they bother arguing with me, yet they do.
Today on our way home from Wal*Mart the Big One was jibber-jabbering in the backseat telling me what color all the stop lights were as we went through them. Yes they were green. We stopped at a red light and she proudly announced “It’s a RED light.” Yes it is, I agreed.
As we drove a bit further the light changed from green to another color. She proudly announced what color she thought it was. I disagreed and corrected her. She proceeded to argue with me for the next few miles home as to what color the light had changed to.
You see the Husband and I argue about this one quite frequently. One would think that after 6 years or so, we would agree to disagree by now. But we don’t because we both insist that we are right. Obviously that’s not possible.
To finally put an end to this madness, I’m going to put up a poll so y’all can decide who is right. Vote now and tell me what color you think is the middle color on every stop light in America.
After I get enough correct opinions. I will post which color is right (my choice) and which color the Husband and apparently now the Big One thinks is right.
Ready. Set. VOTE. Really this is way more fun than a McCain/Obama poll isn’t it? So go exercise your right to vote {and confirm that the FixItMommy is right. }
Life Lessons: Running Water
Yesterday the Big One learned yet another of life’s wonderful lessons. After eating a whole bunch of her favorite snack in the entire world ~ Quakes ranch flavored rice cakes~ I asked her to wash her hands with soap and water.
The soap and water part is significant because usually when she goes potty and washes her hands she uses the “magic” soap. She refers to the antibacterial, no water-needed, stuff as magic soap.
When she is covered in rice cake seasonings though, soap and water are a necessity.
So while washing her hands yesterday suddenly the inevitable happened. The running water sparked something in her brain… the urge to pee. Yes, we discovered the wonderful phenomenon of running water signaling the brain (and bladder) that it was time to go.
Poor kid had no way of knowing that it was going to happen. So there was no stopping the rush of pee. As she stood on her step stool diligently washing her hands she starts crying, “I’m peeing…. I’m peeing… HELP… I’m peeing!”
Normally I will admit I am not very supportive of her peeing in her pants and yesterday was no exception. But instead of frustration, I laughed. Poor kid is going to be scarred for life when it comes to toilet issues.
Do I Dare Say It?
Well, y’all it’s been one week since I have had to cleanup puke, pee or chewed up toys.
.
.
.
Let’s just let that sink in for a second. One WEEK. I am shocked and excited and a little afraid all at the same time. Notice I didn’t include poop in that above statement. For some reason the Big One has pooped in her panties the last two days. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but at least it was fairly easy to clean up. Actually the first time was really easy for me, it was on the Husband’s watch while I was shopping at the commissary.
C’mon share in the celebration and do a little happy dance. One week puke and pee free. WAHOO!
No Washing Her Mouth With Soap
So the Little One is not going to be the type that I can threaten her with washing her mouth out with soap. How on Earth would I know that? Well for the last two days it’s been nice enough outside to play in the back yard. We are giving the puppy some much needed exercise and getting the girls outside for some fresh air.
We have a large variety of bubble-playing toys. We have bubble machines, small bubble wands, giant bubble wands and the “no-spill” containers. So I gave the Little One a “no-spill” container. She is still a bit little for bubble blowing coordination, but not for lack of trying. She gets the concept. She dips the wand, brings it to her lips and blows. Unfortunately, instead of just holding the wand just beyond her lips, she usually puts it on her lips or even in her mouth. Then she blows with all her might.
The result is usually bubbles, but it’s more slobber bubbles than actual bubbles. I guess she decided that the wand tastes pretty good to her after being dipped in the bubble solution (BLECH!). So now each time I give her a “no-spill” container she tries to drink the bubble solution instead of even attempting to blow bubbles.
You moms out there know that “no-spill” really means that it will be a nice slow trickle that comes out. Apparently it’s just enough to quench the Little One’s “thirst.”
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