She Is Trouble!!
I keep tellin’ ya’ll that the Little One is trouble, now I have unsubstantiated proof. She is three and today I found her in bed with a boy!!
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I was watching my fab-friend Karen’s son today (probably won’t get to do that again!) Earlier Gracie Lou was having a fit because the neighbors were working on their car. So she was outside barking, barking and barking some more at them. So I locked her dog-door so she had to stay inside.
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Our friend gets here and we are all playing in the Little One’s room when Gracie starts whining and freaking out. Remembering that I locked her doggie door, I got up to open it and let her out. Shortly after I left the Little One’s room I hear the bedroom door close.
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So I let the dog out and returned to the Little One’s room to find her and Super Y (Karen’s son) in bed, giggling. Oy vey!! Someone help me now!!
That Which Doesn’t Kill Me…
I’m not sure if it will make me stronger, but it will help me to realize that it’s just furniture, right? The Little One is honestly trying to kill me one little thing at a time.
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She wasn’t even awake an hour when I banned her from the furniture. The girls have these Barbie horse things with long flowing “hair.” The Little One decided that her horse’s hair had too many tangles and needed to be brushed. But of course the brush alone was not good enough. Instead she got the bottle of detangler that we use for their hair and somehow spilled half a bottle on the recliner.
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I relegated her to the Pooh bear couch, knowing that I can just pull the cover off and wash it.
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Then I noticed a bag on the couch from our trip to Target last night. The Little One had put her water cup that she brings in the car with her in the bag. No big deal I thought. I grabbed the bag off the couch to put the cup in the refrigerator and suddenly knew it was a bigger deal. The bag was dripping with water.
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The Little One had somehow detached the straw from the fancy “no-spill” cup. So now it was a definitely- going to spill cup as the straw served as sort of a one-way valve. It appears that at least 10 ounces of water was in the small Target bag. I tried desperately to get it to the kitchen where I can easily mop up the water, but in order to get to the kitchen I had to cross the Big One, the remainder of the couch and the hard wood floor.
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Of course, the Little One has zero remorse; heck she won’t even admit it was her fault. Kind of like yesterday when she “colored” with Chap Stick all over her mirrored closet doors, she insists it was “Bake-o” her imaginary “friend” who had done all the damage. I say friend in quotes because I know for sure that Bake-o is really her < evil > alter ego.
A Soggy Morning
As we left to walk the Big One to school this morning, it was wet outside. The Little One pranced around saying we need umbrellas, in the FixItMommy’s infinite wisdom I told her it was just a little misty and we didn’t need umbrellas. We were already a few minutes late and I knew if we got umbrellas the walk to school would take twice as long.
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Why is that? I guess the novelty of umbrella usage is not lost on my children. They tend to stroll while carrying umbrellas. Well, I would have gladly taken a stroll with an umbrella over what I got instead.
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We dropped the Big One off at her classroom and proceeded to walk back home. Just as we got out from under the school canopy the skies opened up. It started pouring. Of course, the Little One proclaimed very loudly for all to hear, “I towd you we needed umbellas!!”
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And then stopped walking. Are you kidding me? Most days she wants to run home and I have to control her until we get across the street and around the corner. She has a tendency to fall while standing still, so I have to limit the running to the straight shot down on our own street. But as we stood there in the pouring rain, sans umbrellas her legs are suddenly not functioning.
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She has a “scratch” on her foot and is paralyzed by this itch -to- end- all- itches apparently. Meanwhile we are getting wetter and wetter with each passing second. So I succumbed to the whining and picked her up to try and make forward progress home. Of course I was wearing a windbreaker that was soaking wet, so now the little one is soaked through and through from the combination of the rain and my jacket and her foot is still itching.
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I am now just trying to survive the idiots who despite having just dropped their own children off at school seem unable to grasp that they are still in a school zone and – shock of all shocks – there may be pedestrians in the crosswalk trying to get home. (now I do have to say this part of my life is a daily occurrence, not just a rainy day occurrence. And I guarantee if looks could kill, I would be very guilty and spending a lot of time in prison due to the complete ignorance of some parents who have come within inches of taking out both me and my children, but that’s another blog).
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I get the Little One safely across the street, as we approach the corner I ask her if she is ready to run. My back is killing me and my arm was asleep at this point. And guess what? The Little One has no interest in running today. Again, are you kidding me?
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So we got around the corner, meanwhile she is slipping lower and lower down my body because she is heavy and wet. Just as we got to our yard, the rain stopped, the Little One slipped out of my arms and bolted home. Suddenly she wanted to run. .. up the walkway to our door. Perfect timing.
Where Do They Come Up With It?
It’s hot today. Way too hot for November in San Diego. As a result the girls are inside “playing.” I put that in quotes because I am not sure if it’s playing, fighting, or ancient Chinese torture.
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Right now the Little One is lying on the couch, while Big One is standing on top of her singing, “Your butt is a step stool, your butt is a step stool, your butt is a step stool…” What in the world?
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At which point, the Little One says, “Watch out I am going to become a real person. Right now I am dead.”
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“You’re dead?” the Big One asked. Followed by unabashed giggling. Weird kids.
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There is a lot of screeching, giggling and whining going on. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere right?
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye (or breaks their neck falling off the back of the couch!)
Turning The Tables
Normally this blog details the silly things my kids do and say. Well, today I am ratting myself out… because it’s funny.
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I teach the preschool bible study for our church’s mid-week youth program. We have a small class, typically four kiddos. Last night we only had two. After we read a story and talk about how it relates to the bible we usually do a coloring sheet or other activity. So last night we talked about ladybugs and how they can be helpful. I had a story about a ladybug who always messed up when she tried to help until finally she found a way she could be really helpful (eating other bugs to help save trees). Then we talked about how God wants us to be helpful too.
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Anyway, the kids were coloring a sheet with a ladybug on it. One of the kids counted the ladybug’s legs and announced she had eight legs. I told her she was right and then we started talking about other animals and insects and how many legs they had. We did spiders, cats, giraffes, ducks, and lambs. Then I made a classic error that exemplifies the notion of “knowing your audience.” I asked them how many legs a dog has.
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I know most of you are very confused right now, except for my fab friend Karen who is probably cracking up right now because she knows what is coming next.
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You see Karen has a three-legged dog and her daughter is one of the kids in my class. So after asking the question, the one little girl announced “FOUR!” while Karen’s daughter kind of giggled and said “my dog has THREE!” At that point I was stuck. They were both right.
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In true fashion, Karen’s little one went on to explain to us that her dog Polly had cancer when she had four legs and now that she has three legs, the cancer is all gone.
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So my advice to you is to know your audience and always be prepared for the unexpected when dealing with kiddos!
Losing It!
I think I have officially lost my mind. I’m all for a good argument, however the Big One takes arguing to a whole other level. If there are two legitimate points of view, I have no problem playing the devil’s advocate. However sometimes there is really no point in arguing. A fact is a fact. For example, Pat & Oscar’s has the best breadsticks around. That is a fact and nobody can argue it. Another fact, Little Caesars is the best $5 pizza anywhere.
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Okay, so the Big One today is convinced that the word “the” is spelled “thee.” I tried to follow the teaching approach and explained the whole concept of when two of the letter E’s are together they make a long E sound. So the world she was spelling was not pronounced like the word “the.”
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She didn’t agree. She told me I didn’t know how to spell. Okay, I tried showing her several books with the word “the” in the title. She still disagreed and told me that “the” was spelled “thee.”
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Getting extremely frustrated ( I could NEVER be a kindergarten teacher!), I finally said, “Look Mommy has a degree in English. I guarantee that I am a better speller than you are and that I will probably always be a better speller than you will.” {her brain is more wired toward math, like the Husband, I think!}
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To which, she flipped her hair, rolled her eyes, and let out an exasperated, ”OOOOOHHHHHHH, Mommy. You don’t know anything!”
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Seriously, the attitude? She is FIVE! And what’s worse, I just tried to win an argument with my five-year-old using the “I have a degree and you don’t” mentality. Yeah, that worked well for me.
Is It Inherent?
At the Big One’s school yesterday, all of the kindergarten teachers were in planning meetings all day. So the teacher’s greeted their classes in the morning and then left the students with substitute teachers. The Big One’s teacher let us know in advance and then reminded us again yesterday morning that she would be on campus and would be checking in to see how the day was going.
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Knowing that my child does not like change, I was a bit concerned but figured we needed to wait and see how the day went.
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When I picked her up, she seemed just like normal. The substitute just smiled, verified I was her parent and then moved on. I missed the quick report from her teacher about how the day went, but that’s okay. I knew she was concerned with making sure the right kids when home with the right parents.
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So when we got home, I asked the Big One how the day went with the substitute teacher. She said everything was fine. WHEW! I thought.
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Then she went on to say that they didn’t get to have any free time in class. I asked her why not and she said that too many kids were on yellow or red; Which of course means the other kids were getting in trouble and their behavior clips had been moved from green to either yellow or red.
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So I want to know, they are in kindergarten and have been for only a few weeks. How do they know to misbehave when there is a substitute teacher? I remember kids always got in trouble and tried to get away with all kinds of things when I was in school. I just don’t remember it happening in kindergarten. So it is an inherent thing? When the authoritative figure is gone, they automatically go into rebellion mode. Or is it that the substitute teacher has less patience than the regular teacher? What’s going on?
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Of course, my child stayed on green all day, thank you very much.
Did you Know?
That gummy vitamins will melt if you leave them in your car and the outside temperatures are fluctuating between 80° and 105°?
Thankfully, the cap stayed sealed. The funny thing is I put the vitamins in my car when we moved because I didn’t want them to melt on the moving truck. Apparently they rolled out of whatever bag I put them in, so when I found them today (one month later) they were no longer cute princess gummy vitamins instead they were a solid mass of brown stuff.
So don’t leave your vitamins in the car! Or they may end up looking like this:
Finding the Right Shoe
As we wrap up the second week of kindergarten, we are still adjusting to the earlier wake-up time. I had to wake up two cranky little girls this morning because they kept talking last night instead of going to sleep. Being the mean horrible mother that I am, I make them get dressed, shoes on and hair brushed before they can eat breakfast. I figure they can always eat while we walk to school.
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I knew today was going to be a battle, but was prepared for it. I was brushing the Big One’s hair while the Little One was putting on her shoes. She still struggles with getting the right one on the right foot and the left one on the left foot. So she asked me if she was working on the correct foot. Glancing up, I tell her yes she had it right.
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I finished brushing the Big One’s hair and was getting my shoes on when I noticed the Little One had a shoe on the wrong foot, so I told her she needed to switch feet. I admit I was a little confused because I saw her putting one shoe on just a minute ago and it was right. So she seemed to switch shoes and asked me again if they were right. I looked at her left foot and noticed it was on the wrong foot. So I told her she still had them wrong. She let out an exasperated groan and took her shoes off again to switch them.
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We were running late for school when the incident occured, further evidence of my level of tired-ness is proven here when I tried to re-enact what happened and put two left shoes on her!
Now I am a little tired too this morning, so it took my brain a little while to process what was happening. The Little One can be quite the jokester, so I initially thought she was messing with me and not really switching shoes. Then it dawned on me that the Big One and Little One have matching Crocs and the reason the shoes seemed to be on the wrong feet is that I was always looking at her left foot, and she was wearing two right shoes – one was hers and one was the Big One’s.
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So my lesson for the day, either choose to look at both feet or stop buying matching shoes!
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