Whose Kids Are These?
I’m sure many of you have seen the silly e-mail tale of a small child having a tea party with her daddy when the mom comes along and points out that the only water the child can reach is the toilet water.
Well I’ve received it several times and never thought much of it. I chuckled, but thought it would never happen in my house. Of course, that was before the Little One came along.
Tonight the girls were brushing their teeth and I left them in the bathroom to put their bath towels in the dirty clothes hamper. One would think that after the week I’ve had, I would know better than to leave the Little One alone in the bathroom.
I put the towels in the hamper and am met by the Big One screaming that the Little One dumped water all over the floor. I told her I would handle it and to get out of the bathroom.
Their bathroom has tile and it’s slippery as all get out when it gets wet. So I didn’t want her falling. The Big One obliged and stood in the hallway while I watched the Little One take her cup, dip it into the toilet and take a big swig. All the while I am yelling, “NOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP! YUCKY!! NOOOOO!”
She proceeds to finish the first cup and then did it again. This time I grabbed the cup from her just as she put it to her lips. Seriously, whose children are living in my house this week?
Certainly not mine. Mine would never get a time-out at preschool for throwing sand in someone’s face and then laughing about it. My children would never smear poop all over the bathroom. And they certainly wouldn’t drink from the toilet.
I am ready for the cameras to pop out and someone yelling “Smile you’re on Candid Camera!” Ho-hum, I could never be so lucky, huh?
A Sneak Preview and It’s Not Pretty
Let me just tell y’all after what I saw today, I am afraid. And you all should be very, very afraid.
Tomorrow the Big One is four years old. Scary to think that she is four already. Even scarier to think that someday this four-year-old will want to get a driver’s license and drive a car for real.
For her birthday, she got a Barbie Jammin’ Jeep. And let me tell you, trying to teach this child to drive the thing was quite an adventure. Fortunately we have it set to the “turtle mode” versus the “hare mode.” So when she crashed into the fence, patio table, Little Tikes picnic table and several other backyard toys, there was no permanent damage.
Likewise, I think the sprinklers will be okay too ( I’ll find out tonight when they turn on!). My big toe has stopped throbbing and bleeding but it is still a bit sore.
She is already a typical teenage driver – she was turning the radio dial, fixing her sunglasses and looking everywhere except the “road” in front of her. In her defense the Little One did knock the lever and switch the car into reverse a couple times. But the Big One was still a bit erratic on the road.
The fence closing is in on them!
And she was also exhibiting some signs of road rage. As she was about to crash into the fence, she screamed and cried in frustration. She even smacked the steering wheel in anger because she couldn’t get the wheel to turn. All the while, she kept her foot on the accelerator therefore ensuring the collision would occur.
I kept trying to explain to her that if she felt like she was going to crash, she needed to take her foot off the pedal first. Then we’d get the Jeep turned the right way. That whole concept was a bit much for her four-year-old brain.
The Husband has already been informed that he is in charge of driver education from here on out. I’ll deal with the other stuff, boys, love, sex, babies all of it. He gets to teach her how to drive. {Yes, it was that bad! And my toe still hurts!}
Raising The White Flag
Yep, I quit. Yes, I know this happens about once every couple months. And this is my time. I quit.
The Little One has a nasty cold that will not go away. It’s been 13 days now since the cough, runny nose and sneezing began. On Friday is escalated to include puke, diarrhea and pink eye.
Of course, the Husband is where? Yep, he’s out of town. This time he is in a tropical paradise. He was snorkeling yesterday while I was dragging both kids to Urgent Care to get the Little One started on some drops for her pink eye.
So today, I went upstairs to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I was honestly up there maybe three minutes. Those of you who have had a two-year-old know how much damage can be done in two minutes, let alone three.
I came downstairs and heard the bathroom door slam shut. (The Little One’s new favorite past time is closing doors). I asked the Big One if the Little One had closed herself in the bathroom, knowing the answer.
I opened the door and was met with the unmistakable stench of poop. Not just a poopy diaper, but poop everywhere. Apparently the Little One pooped in her diaper. Then took off the diaper.
I guess she then decided she wanted to be a big girl and plucked the poop from the diaper and dropped it into the toilet. Then I think she decided that wasn’t maybe the best place for it. And she attempted to fish the poop back out of the toilet.
{I am piecing this together based on what she said and what the bathroom looked like!}
{Just a warning… TMI coming up! }
Of course she is still sick so the poop is not completely solid. Yes, there was some residual poop still attached to her little body, so when she next decided to sit down on the little potty, more poop was smeared around. I told her stop moving. That of course didn’t happen. Instead she repositioned herself on the little potty, further smearing poop on the little potty and now all down the back of both of her legs.
Then in a bad mommy -judgment moment, I told her to look at the little potty to see what she had done. Well, looking with her eyes wasn’t enough. She, for whatever reason, decided to try and clean the little potty off with both hands. Realizing what she had done, she then tried to “rub” her hands clean by vigorously rubbing them together as one would do with soap. Of course she was doing it with poop.
Of course the Big One is laughing hysterically behind me while I am trying desperately to get the Little One to just stop moving. I already had a huge mess to clean up and I just wanted her to stop moving.
Finally she stopped moving, turned and then came at me with both hands extended, “Look, Mommy!” Ummm, no thanks. It took everything I had to deflect her grasp and catch her around the waist to begin the cleaning process.
Oh the joys of motherhood.
No Leftovers For This Kid
The Big One is a picky eater no doubt about it. She doesn’t eat much and she certainly doesn’t eat the types of food that result in leftovers. She eats yogurt and pancakes, waffles and freeze dried strawberries.
She doesn’t eat casseroles or pasta. She won’t eat pot roast or sloppy joes. The Husband and I eat a lot of leftovers. I like to cook and try new recipes for dinner, so quite often we have leftovers for lunch and sometimes even breakfast the next day.
So last night after her yogurt, she asked for a special treat. They had been pretty good so I agreed she could have a special treat. I offered her a piece of this chocolate chip cookie cake that we made a couple days ago.
She exclaimed, “Mommy I already had some of that yesterday. Can I have some ice cream instead?”
Taken a little aback, she usually jumps at just about anything with chocolate chips in it, I asked her why she couldn’t have the cake again. Exasperated with me, she said, “I told you I already had some of that. I want something different.”
Oh the irony. She wants something different, yet she eats yogurt for probably seven out of 10 meals. And it has to be Yoplait Orange Crème yogurt. She won’t even eat a different flavor, yet she cannot have the chocolate chip cake again. Funny kid.
Conspiracy and the Clothes
I am not a big fan of “character” clothing. Yes, my girls have some Dora T-shirts and Jammies. There are even some Elmo pieces in their drawers. But I prefer them not to wear them.
No there is no real moral reason for it. It’s more of a conspiracy theory type thing. I first discovered the problem when the Big One was about 18 months old. She has always been and continues to be true to size when it comes to clothes. When she was an infant, she fit right along with what the clothes all said. She wore 0-3 clothes up until she was about 3 months old and so on. So for her first birthday she got a Dora outfit – jeans, shirt and vest – in size 18 months.
I didn’t think anything of putting the outfit in the 18 month box and storing it for a bit. As she got closer to 18 months old, I pulled the outfit out. Well the darn shirt was way too small and the jeans wouldn’t go over her hips. I thought it was a bit odd, but didn’t think much of it. Then she got a couple more “character” type outfits and sure enough they were all much smaller than her “regular” clothes.
Those darn manufacturers, I think plan it this way. They know there are parents like the FixItMommy who trust those labels. And by the time we try them on, they are too small. Of course, my child has now seen the outfit and will throw a fit until I can go out and buy a bigger size that will actually fit her. That way we perpetuate the character lines of clothing.
So for those of you reading this, please remember when it comes to character clothing, buy bigger or else you will regret it later.
A First on the Husband’s Watch
I’ve shared some memorable firsts with y’all. And usually they occur when the Husband is out of town for work. Yes he misses out on a lot of stuff, but I take lots of pictures and videos to keep him connected.
Well this weekend he got to experience a “first.” Granted it probably wouldn’t have happened if I had been there, but it was a first nonetheless.
And it furthers my disbelief that the Little One is actually still able to walk and talk. Here’s how I found out about it.
The Husband took the girls to the park to play. Upon their return, he said excitedly, “You should have seen it, {Little One} did a 360 off the swing today at the park. It was a good one.”
To which I of course, said “excuse me?”
Apparently she was on the “big girl swing” having a great time. According to our niece who was with them, the Husband said the Little One’s name which caused her to turn and look at him. Well she’s two. When she turned her head, of course most of her body turned with her as she let go of the swing with one hand.
She went backwards off the swing and completely flipped over landing on her tummy/face. On the way down, she whacked/scraped the back of her head on the rubbery “safe” squishy stuff under the swing. So she has “playground burn” from the top of her scalp all the way down to almost her neck.
According to the Husband and my niece she cried for about three seconds and then moved on playing.
Honestly how the child has survived is beyond me. Her head has had so many bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes and scabs it’s insane. I guess the one bonus of all her incidents is that she is becoming one tough cookie and really just shakes it off most times when she falls. And she makes it very easy for me to determine when she is really hurt and when she is just being dramatic for effect. {shocking that kids would cry just for effect, huh?}
The Search for the Best Kiddie Pool
It took me four years, but I finally figured it out. Every summer I buy the girls an inflatable kiddie pool. And every year within about 72 hours a dog has popped said inflatable kiddie pool.
So I go out and buy another one. Seriously, am I this dense? Apparently so, But now I got it! I finally broke down and bought a hard plastic one from Wal*Mart. Yes, now I have the problem of storing the darn thing, but I don’t think Gracie Lou will destroy it. Yes, I assume at some point she will chew on it, but I think it will still work just fine even if she chews on it.
In my defense one of my hesitations with getting one of these was the Little One’s ability to get in and out. She is finally tall enough to almost get in and out unscathed. She slipped a couple times but just said “WHOA! It’s sippery!!” and tried it again.
So today we a have a pictorial journey of my kiddie pool obsession.
Summer of 2006 ~ the Big One’s first pool. A neighbor’s dog got this one when she was visiting.
Summer of 2007 ~ I’m not sure if this one met its demise at the teeth/paws of my dog, my sister’s dog or grandma and grandpa’s dog.
Summer of 2008 ~ I think this one was my favorite. Only the top was inflatable. The rest was vinyl. This one is great! It folded up into a small circle thanks to the bendy-frame thing. Problem with this one was when the grass at grandma and grandpa’s house started growing through the bottom plastic liner. Then Gracie Lou got to the top.
April of 2009~ This was our first one for this summer. Very cool and very fun. Gracie Lou thought so too!
May of 2009 ~ This is the last kiddie pool I am buying! {I hope!}
I’m Struggling…
Oh man, who knew that being offered a job unsolicited would be such a tough thing for me? In this current economy with so many people looking for work, I am having major issues deciding whether or not to take a job offer.
It seems like a no brainer. The unemployment rates are soaring and yet I am seriously considering turning down an offer so that I can continue to stay home with the girls. You see I wasn’t actively looking for a job. The Husband gave one of his co-workers my resume a few months ago. She passed it along to her boss and waa-laa I now have an offer on the table.
A few months ago, I was frustrated being home. The girls were driving me crazy and I really thought I was ready to hand them over to someone during the day. Eight hours with no shrieking, no whining and no fighting over toys sounded like heaven.
Then the Big One started preschool. And I feel like I don’t see her much on those three days. I miss her. Yes, they still stress me out and make me crazy sometimes, but I’m not sure that I would have it any other way.
I would miss the little moments throughout the day. The funny things the Big One says. The way the Little One plops down on my lap and says, “my seat!” wherever I happen to be sitting. Those amazing 15 minutes every day before nap when I rock with the Little One before putting her in her crib. I love just talking with her in a way only a two-year-old can jabber.
And much as it drives me crazy some days, I would miss answering the Big One’s eight million questions a day.
I would miss watching the two of them play together. I would miss the sweet way the Big One says, “Here Little One, let me help me you.”
And how would I make dinner, cookies and special treat without my bakers-in-training? I don’t think I can make a recipe all on my own anymore. I need my pourers, stirrers and egg cracking assistant. I haven’t had to stir pancake batter in months. I might have forgotten how!
But then the little angel of doubt pops her head up and says, who are you to turn down a job offer? Do you really think you are smart enough, creative enough, talented enough to find another job when the time is right? In my heart, I know that I am, but my darn head keeps getting in the way!
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