Kids Say… Version # 3
Sorry y’all, but since the Husband is deployed, you are going to have to hear more about the silly things my kids say. I don’t want him to miss out, so I will include them here every once in a while, so he can read them too.
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We were in the car headed to San Diego listening to what has been deemed, “Big One’s Favorite Jesus Freak” CD (actually he was with us for this one). By the way, if you’d like a complete list of the songs on it, let me know. It’s a great mix if I may say so myself. (and if you like Christian music!)
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So anyway, the song, “If I Was Jesus” came on. The correct lyrics are:
If I Was Jesus, I’d have some real long hair
A robe and some sandals, is exactly what I’d wear
I’d be the guy at the party, turnin’ water to wine
Yeah me and my disciples, we’d have a real good time.
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The Big One busted out singing:
If I was not Jesus, I’d have some real short hair….
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Who knows what else she said because the Husband and I were laughing so hard, there was no way in the world we could have heard what she was saying.
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Then today after she got up out of bed, I reminded her to turn her music off. Yes, she has music playing in her room all night long. It helps her sleep, so I don’t care. Anyway, I asked her to turn it off and she said:
“Yes, Mommy we have to turn the music off. If we don’t, do you know what it’s called? It’s called a waste of MUSIC.”
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Apparently my lectures on saving electricity are sort of getting through to her.
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And now for our first ever installment of Kids Say compliments of the Little One.
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We were out to breakfast with my parents today. The Big One and I were on one side of the booth, while the Little One was sandwiched between Grandma and Grandpa on the other side.
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My dad has several tattoos on his arms. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt today when the Little One pointed to a tattoo on my dad’s arm. She said, “G’pa, is dat me?”
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Of course my dad couldn’t twist his arm to see which one she was pointing too ( it was a small booth we were smooshed into). But I think by the amount of laughter emanating from me, he knew exactly which one she pointed to.
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I know you are dying to know aren’t you. Let me just show you…
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Yes, that would be a devil, pitchfork and all…. if the horns fit….
I Can’t Stand This
I love the Husband. I’ve been so focused on the deployment that I’ve cut him some slack, but yesterday he almost put me over the edge.
Before I tell you what happened, let me tell you that I do not like to clean. I am not the type who can allow a huge mess to accumulate. I have to clean as we go along. This includes the kitchen, dishes, toys, playroom, you name it, I clean it as I go.
By the time we sit down for dinner, there is nary a pot, pan or spoon in sight. I clean things up as I go. End of story.
So yesterday, I was almost out of coffee (tragedy, I know). So I decided I would take a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get more coffee. {I have a Keurig, single cup machine and BB&B is the only place near me that sells them. As usual I waited too long to order on-line}
Because of the air quality with the fires raging south of us, I convinced the Husband that he should stay home with the girls and bond so I could have some alone time.
I was gone for about 90 minutes. When I got home, I didn’t even notice the state of the playroom. I was too excited to try and re-pack the Husband’s sea bag for the third time with the new Space Bags that I bought.
As I started packing the thing again, the Husband and Big One left to go get his haircut. The Big One likes to watch. Silly kid.
I finished packing and headed downstairs with the Little One. As I came down the stairs, I caught
site of the playroom and started muttering under my breath.
How in the world can you just walk away from a mess like that?
Yes, I know I am anal, but come on. If you play in the kitchen, put the dishes, silverware, drawers and oven rack back away before you pull out ALL the dress-up clothes.
What you can’t see in this photo is all of the musical instruments under the slide and most of the baby dolls and their clothes on the other side of the slides. {yes, there are 2 slides in my playroom, it prevents some fights if they both have their own. Spoiled rotten children.}
I’ll Get Back Into It
I Promise, I will get back into this blog soon! We are trying to get through the last couple days before the Husband deploys. There are projects to work on, quality time to be had and a few moments of alone time for me.
In the meantime, I did start a deployment blog to keep track of the emotions, struggles and day-to-day stuff we are feeling. Check it out if you are interested. And please share your stories, experiences and tips through the comments over there. You can click the link above, or the graphic over there on the right. —–>>
Dog For Sale… Cheap
I know you are wondering, how I can get mad at that face
All you have to do is come get her. She is yours for the taking.
She is beautiful. She is sweet. She is extremely tolerant of small annoying people.
She does puke almost every time she gets in the car. She also goes crazy barking at the slightest noise outside. She has no qualms about knocking you down or anything else in her path in order to hide under the computer desk each time there is a sonic boom.
And for her newest trick, she will bolt at the speed of lightning when she sees an open door or open gate.
A couple weeks ago when we were having the concrete poured on the side yard, she bolted when the gate was off. Everything was fine, the Husband and I were both outside watching her. She piddled in the grass, faked toward her bone like she wanted to play and then BAM she bolted.
We found her around the block. She came easily when I called her. I did not yell or hit her, I merely explained to her that running away was not a good idea.
So today, our fabulous neighbor Eddie brought over a box that was delivered to our house over the weekend when we were out of town. Everything was fine, we were chatting. Gracie Lou was standing next to me, just sort of sniffing outside when all of the sudden…. BAM she took off again.
I muttered a few choice words, got my shoes on, grabbed the leash and told the Little One to stay put as I closed her in the house (thank goodness she is so short or she would have opened the door and followed me on this wonderful little adventure).
Poor Eddie, the neighbor kept apologizing. I assured him that it was not his fault that my dog was stupid. He walked with me to try and find her. We walked around the corner and saw her about halfway down the street. I called her name.
You dog owners know what happened next, huh? Yep, she stopped, looked back at me and started running in the other direction. I just kept walking. I didn’t run, yell or threaten (Okay I did threaten her but only loud enough for Eddie to hear).
As we got nearer the end of the street, we did the same routine. I called, she stopped, looked and then bolted. By now she was at the end of the street where new houses are being built.
Eddie being the optimist said maybe one of the construction guys would try to catch her. I thought well if they tried, then she would at least run back to me since she is afraid of strangers.
No such luck, instead the gaggle of at least 20 construction workers just watched and laughed as I continued to call her name and then watch her run faster in the opposite direction. {This time if my Spanish were better, I would have had some choice words for them!}
Finally I was getting mad. We had walked all the way around the block. I had no idea what trouble the Little One was getting into. I was done with this game.
So I yelled, “GRACIE LOU… SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN NOW!” Fortunately she did. Then through gritted teeth I told her to stay. She did until I got about 15 feet from her. The she started to get up and turned.
I think she knew I was done. I said, “DON’T YOU DARE MOVE A MUSCLE, YOU damnfreakingpaininthebutt DOG” At that point, she lowered her ears, sat and then slunk down onto her tummy.
I put her leash on her and waited for Eddie to catch up. He hung back as we rounded the corner thinking she might be afraid of him and that’s why she kept running. As Eddie got close, Gracie Lou started to twist. Knowing the maneuver well, I grabbed her, held her between my legs and put the choker that I had also grabbed before leaving home around her neck. I re-attached the leash to the choker and continued to walk home with Eddie.
After a few paces Gracie Lou turned to look at Eddie and started cowering, to which Eddie told her that he was not that one to be fearful of! He was not going to hurt her, but he made no promises as to what I was going to do to her once we got home.
I don’t know what to do with this dog. I guess it’s the husky in her that wants to run, but I can’t be leaving my kids alone in the house to chase this damn dog around the neighborhood.
If nothing else, I cannot afford to leave them alone. Granted I should be thankful that the only trouble the Little One got into was dumping the entire box of Teddy Grahams on the floor.
I Was NOT Beating Them
Y’all know our road trips to San Diego are always an adventure. Today I would like to give a little shout out to the three CHP officers who were enjoying their Starbucks coffee in Wildomar this morning.
Thank you for not arresting me and carting me off to jail. Contrary to what it sounded like I was NOT beating my children in the Starbucks restroom. I know by the sheer volume and pitch of the noises emanating from the restroom, it sounded as if I was beating the girls within an inch of their lives. But I assure I was not. I didn’t lay a finger on either one of them.
Instead what you heard was a total dual meltdown based on who was going to pee on the potty first. The Little One got in there first, had her pants halfway down and was working on her diaper when the Big One swooped in and booty bumped the Little One from in front of the potty.
She quickly stripped her pants and panties off and hopped up on the toilet. As the Little One began shrieking like a wild animal caught in a trap, I tried to calm her down, while at the same time giving the Big One the death stare.
Well that was a bad idea on my part. Sensing that she was in HUGE trouble, the Big One started wailing at the top of her lungs. Both girls were trying to out-do the other with their screams.
As the noises echoed off the restroom walls, I just stood there holding my breath waiting for a knock on the door followed by someone asking if everything okay. Thankfully that knock never came and the screaming subsided as both girls got the chance to pee.
Everything was fine for about 90 seconds until I helped the Little One wash her hands and the Big One tried to be helpful by getting a paper towel for the Little One. Of course, the Little One wanted to do it herself, so we went into meltdown again.
Not wanting to press my luck, I opened the restroom door and let the crying fest continue while I ordered my coffee. I wanted to make sure everyone in the Starbucks saw that I was calm, cool and not beating anyone!
I also admit that I was even more concerned that the CHP officers were done with their coffee and preparing to arrest me for leaving Gracie Lou in the car. Fortunately after I ordered my coffee, I looked out the window and saw there were no police officers breaking into my car to release the dog. They were still relaxing at the corner table enjoying their morning coffee.
Yes, I left the dog in the car. It was not too warm today, the windows were open and we really do pee pretty fast. {likely story, I know. What do you do when both kids have to pee and you are traveling alone???} I’ve got the Big One convinced that the police are going to take Gracie Lou away if we do not hurry. But, now that I have to deal with the Little One on the potty, I think I am going to have to bring a portable potty and we will just have to pee in the parking lots soon so Gracie isn’t left alone.
Worst Potty-Trainer Ever
Yep, that’s me. I will proudly accept my certificate for being the worst potty-trainer ever.
How is that possible, I know you are wondering. What is it that makes me such a bad potty-trainer? Well let me tell you.
The Little One turned 2 is April. I have put zero effort into potty training this kid. I’m not sure if I am just lazy about it or if there is some psychological issue I have with my baby not being a baby any more. Whatever the reason, I have not tried to train this child.
Despite my lack of effort, the little turkey seems hell-bent on learning to do the potty thing all on her own.
A couple days ago after she got out of the tubby, I got her diaper and jammies on her and then went to help the Big One get her jammies on. The Little One followed me and proclaimed, “I need to go pee-pee.” To which I will freely admit, I said to her, “You do not. And if you do, you are wearing a diaper so you are fine.”
It’s terrible I know. I wanted to get the Big One in her jammies and get moving with the routine. Well you know what the Little One did? She proceeded to go into the bathroom, take off her jammies, strip off her diaper and attempted to climb up onto the potty.
I’ve told y’all a million times that that Little One is short. She doesn’t seem to realize this and it almost cost her her life the other day. Okay so that may be an exaggeration, but she did almost hurt herself pretty good.
She climbed up on the step stool and proceeded to attempt this shimmy-slide-hop move to get herself from the stool up on to the potty. I walked in just in time to see her slip off sideways and land hip first on the floor, while her arm remained hanging over the edge of the potty.
I thought to myself, that I was toast. I figured it was the traumatic incident that was going to thwart her potty training efforts for good. The Big One suffered a traumatic incident that definitely set us back a few months. You can read about it here. {Yes, this is an old one, before I got all crytpic about my kids names. And yes I am too lazy to go in and take the Big One’s name out of it!}
Anyway, no trauma for this kid. Much to my dismay she stood up and tried it again. This time the maneuver was a success and she did in fact pee on the potty. . . . No thanks to me.
Who’s Responsible for the Kid?
So today Operation Concrete comes to a close. We finally bit the bullet and decided that we needed 1300 square feet on concrete in the side and front yard (along the driveway). The girls needed room to play and ride bikes. And the FixItMommy needed to be able to send them out in the backyard to burn off some energy.
The contractors started work on Tuesday and now on Saturday the concrete has been poured.
The Husband thought it was a cool learning opportunity for the girls, so they have been outside watching the wet mixture go from the truck through the pump and shoot out of the hose. Pretty cool stuff when you are 4 or 2 (or a man).
So I was in the house making some chocolate chip scones (a new recipes, I’ll let you know if it’s any good) when suddenly the garage door opens.
I turn to see the Husband with a sheepish grin. He is trying not to laugh hysterically as he carries the Little One’s shoe in the house, I hear him say to the Big One that they will go back outside, but first the Little One’s shoe needed to be cleaned.
I knew right away what happened. Although he is trusted at work with all kinds of secret military stuff, he is not to be trusted with two children around wet cement.
Yep, the Little One “got a little too close,” he told me. She walked over to the freshly smoothed out, still very wet concrete and stepped right into it.
Mind you there is an army of men out there working their darndest to get this stuff smooth and level before it starts baking outside. So there are tools, poles and stuff everywhere. It’s a minefield for a toddler. The Husband somehow missed the Little One wandering through all the stuff. And then didn’t react quick enough as she stepped into the wet concrete.
Unfortunately I didn’t think quick enough to grab my camera to document the incident. I was too busy trying to get the concrete off her shoe.
When I went outside to check on the status of things, I asked our contractor if we could just plant the Husband and his boots out there and leave him.
Fortunately our contractor has kids and loves my girls to pieces. He had two boys before having a baby girl of his own. So for the 18 months or so we’ve known him, he has always had a soft spot for my girls.
I will admit that I wish my Spanish was a little better, I can only imagine what they are saying about the Husband right now.
What You Really See
As the media has a field day with the arrest of Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr., the Harvard Professor who was trying to get into his own house, I started thinking about perspective and how we all see things differently depending on a number of factors
Sure our life experiences, gender and socio-economic status cloud our view sometimes, but in my house perspective seems most shaped by height and age.
For example, today the Little One and I were playing while the Big One was a preschool. There was some kind of noise and Gracie Lou started barking and going crazy standing at the front door as if someone was there.
I’m not sure what the noise was, but I was fairly certain it was not a knock on the front door. The Little One wasn’t so convinced. She looked me straight in the eye and said this:
“Mommy, aren’t you going to smell it?”
It took me a minute to realize what in the world she was talking about. Then it clicked. She wanted me to go check the peep hole on the door to see if anyone was out there. But to her two-year-old eyes, it looks like I am smelling the door when I do that.
Next time you see something that doesn’t look quite right or when your kids looks at you like you have three heads, take a moment to see things from a different perspective and see how different the world can look.
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