A Call from the Principal

If only this was on her person and not on the kitchen counter today…

So when you have a kiddo like the Little One and the school calls during the day, you tend to lose a few years off your life. Granted the last time the school called me during the day, it was actually the Big One who got nailed in the face with a ball. She was the bloody, injured one. The Little One has been injury free for almost one full year (c’mon December 26!) So I really do need to cut her some slack.

Today, I was just minding my own business making cookies for a cookie exchange that I am attending tomorrow when my phone rang. As soon as I saw the number, my heart rate increased and a large pit began instantly forming in my gut.

This is how it went:

FIXITMOMMY: Hello

PRINCIPAL: Hello, is this Mrs. FIXITMOMMY?

FIXITMOMMY: Yeeeessssss

PRINCIPAL: Hi, this is Mr. PRINCIPAL, principal at XYZ School. First let me say all of your children are healthy, safe and okay. Nobody is hurt. They are all good.

FIXITMOMMY: Okkkkaaaaayyyyy

PRINCIPAL: Well, you know today Little One went on the field trip lunch reward to In-N-Out. Well, there was a little incident.

FIXITMOMMY: uhhhh-huhhhhh

FIXITMOMMY’s BRAIN: Oh dear God, she puked at In-n-Out

PRINCIPAL: Well, Little One ate and at some point got up to go to the restroom…

FIXITMOMMY’s BRAIN: OH MY GOSH!, She was pooping at In-N-Out and missed the limo bus back to school. She got left at In-n-Out! Oh that kid!

PRINCIPAL: She apparently put her retainer on her food tray. So while she was in the restroom one of the In-N-Out workers bussed her tray and… you know where this is going.

FIXITMOMMY: Retainer in the trash can…

PRINCIPAL:  Now the later group is still there with one of my vice principals. There are a couple In-N-Out employees going through the trash bags  right now trying to find it. If they find it, the vice principal will bring it back with her.

FIXITMOMMY: UGH! I’ll kill her

PRINCIPAL’S BRAIN: Great, now I cannot in good conscience send this poor child home today.

FIXITMOMMY: {starts with a giggle and then starts laughing really hard.}  Nobody needs to go through the trash. That is just plain gross! It’s just a retainer.

PRINCIPAL: Well, I am glad we can laugh about this. I have kids who had retainers, those things are not cheap. And well, they were willing to look for it.

FIXITMOMMY: No, they are not cheap and that is why I bought insurance for the things.

PRINCIPAL: Ohhhhhhhh well, they are insured. That’s why you can laugh about it. (talking to Little One) Your mom says they are insured. It’s okay.

FIXITMOMMY: {Still laughing.} Yeah she’s fine. It’s just a retainer.

PRINCIPAL: Well, we were REALLY nervous to make this phone call. Would you like to talk to her?

FIXITMOMMY: {Still laughing}  of course I’ll talk to her

LITTLE ONE:  Hi Moooommmmyyyy  *sniffle sniffle*

FIXITMOMMY: DUDE! It’s a retainer. It’s not the end of the world. Daddy will be ticked, but that’s why we bought insurance. It’s all good.

LITTLE ONE: I know, why do you think I told them to call you?

So that’s that, a retainer in the trash can at In-N-Out. We’ve survived another call from the school that did not result in an emergency room trip. Hooray for small miracles.

** Clearly names have been changed to protect the innocent. And I have taken the liberty of putting words in the principal’s brain.