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Diapering, the Next Olympic Sport

February 22, 2006

Who knew that the simple act of diapering a child could become a full-contact sport? My sweet little peanut has become the Hulk Hogan of the diaper wrestling event. She will contort her body, twist her torso, kick her legs, arch her back and wiggle to get away from the dreaded diaper.

I used to just chuckle when my friends talked about this phenomenon. My sweet little child would never act that way. At nine months we can still use the changing table. But put her on the floor to try and change her and it’s a whole new ballgame.

I seriously think the Olympic Committee should consider diapering the next world class sport. You can have different weight categories as well as competitions between snap-up pants and slip-on pants. And of course you have to distinguish between the wet diaper and the poopy diaper.

There could be training camps set-up to train parents on how best to tackle their child without causing any harm to themselves or the child. The gymnastics coaches can start scouting for their future contortionists at the diaper derby.

She acts as if the mere act of putting a diaper on her is causing great physical pain that must be stopped at all costs. She doesn’t care if she twists away and crawls right over top of the poopy diaper that was just removed. She certainly doesn’t notice when she’s left a trail of poopy knee prints in the carpet. And she couldn’t care less if she happens to have the urge to pee during her escape.

These aforementioned activities thankfully have not happened to me personally, but I am sure that my day is coming.

Any gymnastics coaches out there? I’ve got a kid that you’ve just gotta see.

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