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Now I am Getting Mad

May 13, 2008

My sadness over my precious Max’s death is slowly being replaced with anger. I am angry at the Vet {Southern Kern Vet Clinic} who told me on Thursday afternoon that there was nothing “catastrophically wrong” with Max. If that were truly the case, then why in the hell was my dog dead within 24 hours? I am fairly certain the lymphoma and heart twice the normal size didn’t happen in 24 hours.

Why did the second Vet {Quartz Hill Vet Clinic}, who talked to us and let me sit and pet my sweet, sweet Max for as long as I wanted, point out to me that she didn’t understand why the first Vet didn’t even mention the enlarged heart to her. She felt the enlarged heart was more of an issue than the “apparent mass on his liver.” And seeing as he actually went into cardiac arrest and died I am guessing she was right.

Why won’t they let me have my dog’s X-rays? I just want to be able to show the Husband how big Max’s heart was. On a silly level, the Husband knows how big his heart was, but I want him to be able to see physically what happened to Max. My guess is that is has more to do with litigation fears than “needing them for their records.” Again, I know my dog was sick and I certainly have way too many other things to do with my time than sue a Vet for being stupid.

On a logical level, I know that my Max was sick and I know he wasn’t going to live forever. What makes me the most angry is that I wasn’t given the opportunity to prepare myself for that horrible phone call.

I truly believed that while my Max was sick, that I would be able to bring him home from the ultrasound. Yes, I knew I would maybe be bringing him home to die, but at least I could have helped the Big One say goodbye. I could have taken a couple more pictures of him with the girls so they could remember their first doggie a little bit better.

I did say goodbye on Thursday night. As I lie on the floor with him, we talked about how great a friend, companion and protector he was. I assured him that it was okay to leave us if he had to. I made peace with him, but had that small glimmer of hope when I saw that he had moved from one room to the other on Friday morning.

I know there are a million people out there who think, “it’s just a dog.” But to me Max was so, so much more.

On a side note, I am totally screwed if the five steps of grief really are:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

And I am only on anger. UGH! Crap, it’s going to be a long few weeks or moths.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. May 13, 2008 9:22 am

    So sorry to hear of your loss.

  2. Shana permalink
    May 13, 2008 12:02 pm

    Joyce,

    Hey I’m one of the fellow may mommies and read about your dog Max. I am truly sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me in March with our dog Newton (14 years old). We had to put him down because of lymphoma and colon cancer. His heart was enlarged as well. It is a very long story and we went through two months of pain. So I totally understand what you are going through. Please e-mail if you want to talk. He helps me to talk through Newton’s passing.

  3. May 15, 2008 6:01 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. Stuff like that really stinks especially when you find out *something* could have been done if the vet hadn’t taken such a blaise attitude. We had to put our kitty down 3 years ago and it was HARD. She was the end of a 23 year legacy. Her momma was my first kitty when I was five years old. They are definitely family members. I hope you find a way to get through this!

    Hugs!

  4. May 26, 2008 5:37 pm

    I just want to give you one big cyber hug. I haven’t had a pet for a very long time because it sure does hurt the heart when they pass. Your grieving of course so you’ll go thru a lot of different emotions. I would be very anger too about the first VET.

  5. fixitmommy permalink*
    May 27, 2008 6:40 am

    Thanks, Ladies. Y’all are awesome. We are doing better. 🙂

  6. fixitmommy permalink*
    July 8, 2008 8:18 pm

    Just a quick update… I am still MAD! I am still SAD, but we are getting better. I am trying to let it go, but the Vet “lost” Max’s X-rays when I demanded to see them again. I assume they figure the first Vet screwed up and they don’t want me to figure it out. I know there is nothing I can do about it now. Max is gone. But I may include the name of the Vet in my Blog so that others can steer clear.

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  1. A Sad, Sad, Sad Day! ~ My Max is Gone «

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