Something’s Gotta Give
My kids have been alternating with the puke-fest for far too long. It’s coming down to the wire in terms of their ability to survive much longer in this house.
We are officially out of Cheerios, Ritz Crackers, Goldfish, yogurt, eggs, bread and milk. For my kids that constitutes about 90% of their daily diet.
We still have chicken dinos, graham crackers and I believe one PopTart. Other than that, my kids are going to starve unless I can find a way to get to the store today.
There in No Pleasing This Kid
Now I love the Big One to death. She is my child and I will always claim her as my own, but let me tell you there are days when I swear she is 99.999% her father. I can say that because there is never a time when I have ever been such a pain in the butt.
This is just one small glimpse into my daily life.
It was 5:30 a.m. It was still dark outside, as it should be at 5:30 a.m. I was asleep, when suddenly I hear small footsteps followed by a cranky little four-year-old voice bellowing, “MOMMY! Why is it so dark in my room?”
“Well, {Big One} it’s still sleeping time. Is your sun on yet?” I replied.
To which she responded that no in fact her sun was not on. But that was beside the point to her, she still wanted to know why it was still dark in her room.
Again, I explained that it was NOT time to wake up yet and we could discuss it further when her sun was on and it was an appropriate time for her to be awake.
So she stomped off down the hall and I rolled over and fell back asleep.
Now normally I am awake by 6:30, but it has been rough week or so and I am tired. So the next thing I know it is 7:30 a.m. and here come the footsteps again.
“MOMMY! Why is it so bright in my room?” She whined in a sleepy voice.
Are you kidding me?
I admit I rolled over and told her to go back to her room until she adjusted her attitude.
Pride, Who Needs It?
Before I even go any further, I am going to give you a stern TMI warning. Only continue reading if you are prepared to read about things you probably could go the rest of your life without knowing.
Ask any mom and they will most likely tell you that their pride flew out the window the moment they gave birth. By the time the baby is born, our bodies have been poked, prodded and monitored by way too many people.
I’ve decided that really that whole experience is designed to prepare you for the wonderful things that your children will say or do to you out in public.
Honestly before kids, farting in a public restroom was cause to hide in the stall until you could assure nobody would see you coming out. Now we announce and giggle about farts in public restrooms.
We openly talk about when we poop and what color it is and sometimes even what shape it is.
We clap, celebrate, sing and dance when someone pees on the potty. We don’t care if it’s the potty at home, at a friends or out in public. It’s what we do.
My one last remaining hang up concerning the public restroom occurs about once per month. {Yes, I have a small bladder and have to pee all the time. And when you live where we live it takes way too long to get most places and, so often I have to pee by the time I get there}
Most of the time I have the Big One and the Little One with me when it happens; Now I’ve told you we talk freely about the pee and poop, so my children are in the habit of peeking into the toilet to see if there is anything conversation-worthy in there.
I usually know it’s coming, but have yet to figure out how to respond to the gasp and “Mommy! You’re bleeding!!” that occurs. I do my best to explain in 4-year-old terminology that I am okay and that it’s all normal. But I will admit that I still blush when we come out of the public stall after that announcement. It’s silly I know but seriously, does everyone need to know that it’s that time of the month?
If you are still reading this, I am sorry. I know it’s TMI.
Ahhhh, another one of the joys of motherhood.
The Things We Do
The Big One is 4 and a half years old. The Little One is two and a half. I would venture to say that I am an expert at smelling when someone has pooped, whether it be in the potty (the Big One) or in a diaper (the Little One).
So why, I ask you faithful readers do I insist on asking them if they pooped when I know good and well that they have?
Typically the Big One gives it away by asking me to “turn the air conditioner” on in the bathroom. Of course she wants the fan on because she is stinking herself out. (She must get that from the Husband!).
The Little One vehemently denies it all the time. I know she has poop in her diaper and silly me, I still ask her. Maybe that’s why she always denies it, she figures if I am dumb enough to ask the question, maybe I am also dumb enough to believe her.
I know I am not the only one who asks these kinds of questions. Another blogger I love to read, once talked about seeing a pile of hair on the floor, and then seeing the child’s hair had been cut. The mom knew she hadn’t done it, so the logical explanation is that the child cut her own hair. But like me, the mom asked the question. Of course, that child also denied it.
So here’s my question. Are we really that dumb or on some lame subconscious level are we asking them to lie to us just to see if the do it? Or are we too in some kind of denial because we don’t want to change the stinky diaper, so maybe by asking the questions and getting the answer we want we can somehow make the poop go away? What do you think?
Betrayed By the Big One
I rarely answer the front door. I admit it. If I don’t know you when I look through the peep hole I am not opening the door. Generally if it’s someone I know I will open the door, unless I am really tired or wearing PJs. Then I might not.
…..
The one exception to the “if I know you rule” is the Schwan’s man. I love Schwan’s products. I really do, but they are a bit pricey. So right before the Husband left, I stocked up on some of our favorites and then I “fired” the Schwan’s man. It was nothing personal. I just knew that food consumption would go down and we are trying to save some money.
…..
I told him we would start the service back up when the Husband returns.
…..
Well times are tough and the Schwan’s man works on commission.
…..
So yesterday the doorbell rang. I looked through the peep hole, saw the Schwan’s man and in an attempt to avoid the whole sales thing, I didn’t open the door. Little did I know that as soon as I went back into the kitchen to finish what I was doing, the Big One climbed up on the step stool, pulled back the blinds on the window next to the door and started waving to the Schwan’s man.
…..
Extremely proud of herself, she then ran into the kitchen and announced, “I saw the Schwan’s man!!” Now he knew we were home, what was I going to do?
…..
He said he wanted to make sure I had a copy of the new catalog with all the holiday stuff in it (yes, I purchased a lot of peppermint ice cream last year!). And, of course wanted to make sure we didn’t need anything since he was, “in the neighborhood.”
…..
Damn kid, I’m taking the $50 I spent out of her college fund!
Crayola… FAIL!
I am a huge Crayola fan. My girls love to do projects. We use the crayons, markers, paints, Color Wonder stuff, color bath fizzers, paper etc. You name it we’ve got it.
…..
The other day I saw the Crayola Bath Markers and thought they looked cool. My girls love “something special” in the bathtub. We rotate between bubbles, water color changers, paint soap, crayon soap and any other kind of fun thing you can imagine.
…..
They were thrilled when I busted out these new markers yesterday and told them to have fun. Color the tub, color the walls, color yourself.
…..
Well, it’s that last one that got me in trouble. The packaging doesn’t say a whole lot about these pens and what to do with them. I assumed they were like other Crayola products; no matter where you colored with them a little soap and water would take the colors right off. And since we were in the bathtub, we had an abundance of soap and water available.
…..
After coloring all over my tub (of course I let them bathe in my tub last night), the Big One moved on to coloring herself. All I can say is thank goodness that she didn’t color all over her face like she does with the other bath paint. Instead she colored all over her tummy.
…..
Guess what? It didn’t come off. Trust me, almost immediately I tried to rinse it off. I wasn’t sure about it and I guess as soon as she colored big red spirally circles on her tummy, (why is it always red? Why didn’t she use green or blue?) I became worried about a rash or her skin breaking out, or the color not coming off. And sure enough despite my efforts with the soap and water, the red circles remained right in the middle of her tummy.
…..
FAIL on Crayola’s part.
…..
I told them to color on the tub only, not their bodies. And all was good. Then I noticed the water started changing colors. Great I thought, this will be fun to clean off.
…..
So I got the girls out of the tub and as we watched the water drain out of the tub, we saw it. In true, Dr. Seuss form there it was, a “ring in the tub! And, oh boy! What a thing! A big long, pink cat ring!” {From The Cat in the Hat Comes Back}
…..
The Big One, saw it and exclaimed, “Look Mommy! It’s just like in the Cat in the Hat book!”
…..
Yes, it was. Thankfully with a little shower cleaner and water, the pink ring came off my tub pretty easily. But oh what to do about the Big One’s belly?
…..
I think these markers are going to have a short-lived life. Next time I am buying the bath crayons.
Scarred for Life… Again
It’s really a wonder the Big One ever potty trained. After our first few experiences, I was convinced I was doomed. Then suddenly when she turned 3, she was done with diapers. She really did most of the work on her own. Yes, I let her take the little potty wherever she wanted and strip naked wherever she wanted and pee. I didn’t care if she was in the bathroom, kitchen or living room. As long as the pee or poop was in the potty I was good to go.
…..
So anyway yesterday at basketball, the Big One obviously had to go. But she is 4 and she didn’t want to miss out on one second of basketball time. Normally I force her to try and go before we leave the house. I guess I was distracted yesterday and didn’t do that. It was about 5 minutes into playing that she started holding herself.
…..
I asked her if she needed to go. Of course she vehemently denied having to go.
…..
A few minutes later, she started doing the pee dance and holding herself while waiting her turn to practice shooting. By now several other parents have noticed. Again I asked if she needed to go. Again she denied it.
…..
So I let her play some more. Although I will confess that I threatened that if she peed in her pants she would not be going to her friends’ birthday party later in the day. I really thought the threat coupled with the obvious need to pee would crack her.
…..
Man, that kid is stubborn, but now she was ticked at me. She yelled at me, “I don’t have to go!” while giving me the stink eye.
…..
Fine I said.
…..
A few more minutes go by. Everyone watching the “game” now knows that the Big One has to pee. They’ve all see her dancing and holding herself. Her coach even asked her if she needed to go potty.
…..
Then it got so bad, she sat down on her foot in the middle of the basketball court because her hands were apparently not doing a sufficient job keeping the pee inside. Sensing that disaster was about to occur, I did the unthinkable. I am embarrassed to admit I did it, but I really didn’t want her peeing all over the basketball court. I felt I had NO choice.
…..
I grabbed the Little One, went and picked up the Big One (I should explain, one of the hoops was broken so they were not playing a game. There were 20 kids running “drills” up and down the court. They are 3 and 4, so really they were all just running around in circles).
…..
I scooped up the Big One and told her we were going to the bathroom. Meanwhile she is flailing, kicking and screamingthat she didn’t have to go.
…..
It was terribly embarrassing for all of us, but my mommy instinct knew she had to go and knew that peeing on the floor would have been way worse. I was imagining all 20 kids slipping and sliding in my child’s pee all over the court. Not pretty.
…..
So we made it to the bathroom, all the while the Big One is screaming and crying that she didn’t have to go. I took her pants off and put her on the potty. As soon as her little butt cheeks hit the seat, the river started flowing out of her. Honestly it was like the scene in “A League of Their Own” when Tom Hanks’ character has the marathon pee in the locker room.
…..
All the time she is peeing and crying, “I don’t have to go! I don’t have to go! I don’t have to go!” She must have said it 100 times, all while she was peeing.
…..
She finally stopped peeing, washed her hands and ran back in just in time for the end of game cheer.
…..
She was all smiles and laughing with her team in a matter of seconds. Meanwhile, I got a combination of pity looks and quiet snickers from all the other parents. Oh well. At least nobody’s kids was slipping and sliding in pee on the court.
…..
I just hope and pray that she is young enough she won’t remember what I did and be scarred for life. And by the time she is old enough to read this, I hope she can laugh about it.
When Did This Happen?
Today the girls and I are embarking on our third adventure to a pumpkin patch. When did the pumpkin patch become an amusement destination?
…..
When I was a kid, the pumpkin patch was just that, a pumpkin patch. It was merely a place to go and pick out a pumpkin. It was usually a corner lot on a busy street that would soon hold Christmas Trees.
…..
There were no bounce houses. There were no petting zoos. There were no carnival rides. There were no trains. There were just rows and rows of pumpkins.
…..
The pumpkin patch we are going to today has a petting zoo and train. The one we went to yesterday had a petting zoo, bounce house/slide, carnival-type ball games and a big ball pit for the kid to jump in. The one we went to last week had a petting zoo, carnival swing-type rides, bouncer and giant inflatable slide.
…..
Are our kids that desperate for entertainment that just picking out a pumpkin isn’t enough? Or it is a sign of the times? The farmers can’t make money on pumpkins alone so they added more to entice shoppers to stop at their corner lot.
…..
Whatever it is, we are off today on another pumpkin patch adventure. Just so you know I am not a lunatic driving to pumpkin patches all over the area for fun. Last week was with a group of Air Force friends, yesterday was the Big One’s preschool field trip and today is with our local mom’s group.
…..
Do your local pumpkin patches offer all the entertainment options? Or are they just pumpkin patches?
Letting Go of Baby-dom
I’ve told y’all before about my psychological issues with potty training the Little One. I am trying to hold onto my baby, and the little turkey is resisting by going on the potty.
…
Well now I have another issue with walking away from the land of babydom. The little One pretty much insists on walking most places now. It’s great that she wants to walk, it’s good exercise and it provides opportunities for her to explore things around her.
…
The problem is this, if she walks everywhere there is no real need for a stroller. But if I don’t have a stroller where does all the stuff go? Yes, I know that if I potty train her there is no need for a diaper bag. I rarely carry one when we go places anyway.
…
I am talking about everybody’s water. I am talking about the snacks. I am talking about the camera, sunscreen, hats or jackets, my wallet, keys, stickers or notebooks or crayons or whatever else I might need to entertain depending on where we are.
…
Where in the heck does all that go if I don’t have a stroller?
…
Do I make everyone carry a backpack with their own water, snacks and entertainment? Do I now have to carry a huge backpack with everyone’s stuff in it? This is a new stage for us. I know the girls are big enough to carry their own water and stuff, however I also know that means we will probably lose them. They will inevitably set them down and forget them when they bend down to torture a rolly polly, or stop to smell a flower, or pause to gather rocks for their rock collection.
…
I am not willing to lose a bunch of stuff, yet I don’t want to carry all the stuff either.
…
So what is a mom to do? Continue pushing a stroller just to have a place for the stuff? Or *gasp* try to minimize the amount of stuff? That’s tough, even the basics can be cumbersome to carry (water, camera, snacks, etc.) What do you do with all the stuff?
WHOA! There
The Big One gets up at 7:30 a.m. every day, without fail. Most days I am awake by 6:30, showered and downstairs before 7. Since the Little One has been sick, I have not been up so early. So for the last few days, the Big One has gotten up and strolled into my room just as I am getting out of the shower.
As I was drying off today, the conversation went something like this:
Big One: .. Mommy, why don’t I have those? {while pointing to my chest!}
FixItMommy: .. Hmmmm, you do have boobies. As you grow bigger and get older your boobies will grow bigger too.
Big One: .. So I’ll have to wear one of those things {I was putting my bra on very quickly at this point}
FixItMommy: .. Yes, you will have to wear a bra.
Big One: . Why are yours all white?
FixItMommy: .. I don’t know that’s just what color Mommy bought. {I didn’t want to try and explain that Playtex 18 hours only come in so many colors}
Big One: .. Well, when I get bigger I will wear lots of different colored ones.
So there you have it, she is 4 years old and already worried about what color her bras are going to be. I guess it could be worse, she could already be concerned with matching her panties to her bra.
fixitmommy.com 