Perhaps a new low is more appropriate in this situation. Any mom knows that multitasking is the only way to survive. Ask any non-multitasker (a man) and he will give you a blank stare like “huh? You want me to walk and talk at the same time?”

For any mom, cooking dinner, talking on the phone, changing a diaper and feeding the dog at the same time is pretty much a typical day. Nothing too extraordinary when you are folding the laundry, feeding the baby and getting a toddler down for a nap.

So this morning when I was breastfeeding Sarah and realized that I needed to go to the bathroom, I did what any mom would do. I sat myself down on the toilet and did my business. I am not talking about a quick pee trip here, that happens several times a day. I am talking about finally being done with the iron supplements and getting back to a “regular” schedule.

At first I am was bit horrified by the fact that I was pooping with a little baby attached to my boob, but then I figured hey you do what you gotta do when the “spirit moves” as my husband would say. Sarah is no worse for the wear and I felt much better afterwards.

I’m sure when she is 16 she’ll be thrilled that I actually wrote this experience down for all to see. Heck, I may even put it down as a “first” in her baby book!

A cycle in the washing machine? Anyone ever washed their phone? I am guessing it’s a lost cause since there was so much water in the oversize load that I just washed. UGH! Why was I washing a super-size load this morning? Because my little bundle of joy released a super-size load of baby poop all over herself, my bed, my clothes, the carpet, the hallway and anything else in her path.

Now at just 4 weeks old, sweet Sarah usually has pretty innocuous poops, a little here and there. But it had been two days so I knew a major blowout was on its way. I was helping Allison in the kitchen with her yogurt, while Sarah chilled in the living room in her bouncy seat. All of the sudden I heard a loud pop! Like someone had just popped a very expensive bottle of champagne. I knew it was going to be ugly when I reached Sarah. I picked her up and notice that the blanket wrapped around her was soaking wet. At first I thought she just peed a lot when the poop unloaded. Boy was I ever wrong. There was poop literally from her chest to her shoulder blades.

I knew by the wetness of the blanket that my shirt was now covered in poop also, what I didn’t know was that I was leaving a poopy trail as I went from the living room to the bedroom to change her. It was one of those diapers where really the only thing to be done was put the child in the tub. So as she is screaming her head off, I am trying to get the poopy onesie off of her little body without spreading the poop all over her face and hair. Meanwhile, Allison wants to know what is going on so she is climbing up the changing table saying, “poopy, poopy, poopy.” Oh the joys!

So I get Sarah bathed and in clean clothes and go to survey the poop spread. I removed my clothes and gathered up the blanket, onesie, two piddle pads, changing table cover and my comforter {I’m not sure how it ended up on the bed!} and head towards the washer. I encounter my dad holding a now crying Allison in the living room. He’s shaking his head, saying, “I can’t do it, I can’t do. I’m sorry I just can’t handle it.” I was thinking what is wrong with him and then I see the floor. There are little drops of poopy wetness all over the floor. It’s now that I realized that I left a trail of poop. So in my haste to clean the floor before my dad starts puking I threw all of the clothing, etc in the washer and start it before I realized that my cell phone was in my pants pocket.

I clean up the floor, get Sarah to sleep and turn Barney on for Allison so that I can take a shower. Feeling nice and clean and pretty good for handling the poopiness without major trauma, I transfer the now clean clothes and blankets to the dryer only to discover my beloved pink Razr sitting there looking pitiful in the bottom of the washer.

Now defeated, I guess we are in for a trip to the Verizon store to beg for mercy and a new phone. Fun, fun, fun!

ETA: The funniest part of this whole story - so I’ve been told by friends - is my dad’s reaction… why is his reaction so funny? Because the man just retired after a 21-year career at the medical examiner’s office {yes my dad is a coroner and can’t handle a little baby poop!}