I’m Struggling…

Oh man, who knew that being offered a job unsolicited would be such a tough thing for me? In this current economy with so many people looking for work, I am having major issues deciding whether or not to take a job offer.

It seems like a no brainer. The unemployment rates are soaring and yet I am seriously considering turning down an offer so that I can continue to stay home with the girls. You see I wasn’t actively looking for a job. The Husband gave one of his co-workers my resume a few months ago. She passed it along to her boss and waa-laa I now have an offer on the table.

A few months ago, I was frustrated being home. The girls were driving me crazy and I really thought I was ready to hand them over to someone during the day. Eight hours with no shrieking, no whining and no fighting over toys sounded like heaven.

Then the Big One started preschool. And I feel like I don’t see her much on those three days. I miss her. Yes, they still stress me out and make me crazy sometimes, but I’m not sure that I would have it any other way.

I would miss the little moments throughout the day. The funny things the Big One says. The way the Little One plops down on my lap and says, “my seat!” wherever I happen to be sitting. Those amazing 15 minutes every day before nap when I rock with the Little One before putting her in her crib. I love just talking with her in a way only a two-year-old can jabber.

And much as it drives me crazy some days, I would miss answering the Big One’s eight million questions a day.

I would miss watching the two of them play together. I would miss the sweet way the Big One says, “Here Little One, let me help me you.”

And how would I make dinner, cookies and special treat without my bakers-in-training? I don’t think I can make a recipe all on my own anymore. I need my pourers, stirrers and egg cracking assistant. I haven’t had to stir pancake batter in months. I might have forgotten how!

But then the little angel of doubt pops her head up and says, who are you to turn down a job offer? Do you really think you are smart enough, creative enough, talented enough to find another job when the time is right? In my heart, I know that I am, but my darn head keeps getting in the way!