Potty Training Stinks… Literally

I know, I know, I know not another poop story. But c’mon who decided that wearing diapers was such a bad thing? Why in the world is it a big deal to teach our kids to go on the toilet?

I know that I really don’t have anything to complain about. I have read enough poop stories and potty training nightmare stories on Babycenter to last me a lifetime. The Big One has been relatively easy and “accident-free” in the realm of potty training experiences. But there have been a few instances when I really thought that I would much rather meet her at school and change her diaper every couple hours that deal with the training.

So what was it that brought me to this horrific fantasy of packing diapers in a lunch box?

This was two days ago, yes it has taken thing long for me to stomach reliving it. We were two weeks into our stay at the Parental Unit’s house and the Big One was supposed to be napping. I don’t sleep well on the couch, so after two weeks of it, I was exhausted. I actually decided to lie down and take a nap. I dropped off instantly (which is unheard of for me) only to be startled awake by blood curdling screams from the Big One.

I got up and walked gingerly to her room {that’s another story about my mom’s dumb arse housekeeper who puts some kind of super slip-inducing crap on the Pergo}only to find the Big One standing on her bed, both hands covered in poop. She was crying and sobbing incoherently about poop in her pants.

I was thinking screw the poop in your pants, we are getting her hair cut NOW! You see she has long scraggly hair. It’s never been cut. {exhibit A below or at right, depending on your browser!}

Apparently after pooping in her panties, sticking both hands in said poop, she then decided that her hair was in her eyes and brushed it behind her ear.

My guess is she tried to “hold” the poop in and that’s how it got all over her hands. We’ve all seen kids do the “pee dance” and the penguin walk as they desperately squeeze their butt cheeks together. I assume since she was in bed lying down, she couldn’t stop the poop despite the hands in her pants and that’s how it got all over her.

The kid really doesn’t eat much other than chicken dinos and toast. Both don’t smell so bad going in, but I guess the bowels do some strange stuff to the chicken and toast, because I can guarantee they didn’t smell so good on her skin, panties, shorts, forehead, hair and ear.

Oh the joys…. Definitely fun times at our house. {Yes, I know she will love this when she is 16!}