The Worst Road Trip … So Far

So as we become expert road trippers, I assume the adventures will just get better and better, but up to this point yesterday’s was the worst so far.

It started off regularly enough, me by myself, loading the car with all the gear, both kids whining and the Husband calling to see if we are on the road yet. We pulled out of the driveway at about 9:30 a.m., not too bad considering my goal is 9 a.m. We don’t get very far when I realized that I forgot the sunscreen. So we turn around and I run in, get the sunscreen and we actually hit the road closer to about 9:40 a.m.

The traffic isn’t bad so, we were cruising along except for the 7 mile stretch that we were in the “no passing zone” stuck behind three motorcycle going about 45 mph. Once we get to the 15 we are free and clear.  Somewhere around Corona the Little One starts wailing like she hadn’t eaten in five days. Since the Big One is so picky, I start praying that we can make it about 4 more miles to the Carl’s Jr. {apparently chicken stars are the only real acceptable form of chicken.}

We get to Carl’s and by the grace of God find parking spot in the shade. Considering it was 105 degrees outside, I was eternally grateful for the fully shaded spot. We order our food, sit down and wait for it to be delivered. The Big One starts to complain that her tummy hurt. Normally when she is hungry she confuses it with a tummy ache. So I assume that it’s just that she is hungry and once she gets some chicken in her she will be fine.

The Big One eats a chicken star and drinks some water. She tells me again that her tummy hurts. I figure she is tired, whining, it’s 105 degrees outside and we’ve already been in the car for almost two hours. I assume she is tired and crabby and the tummy ache will pass. The Little One and I finish up our lunch and I ask the Big One if she wants to go potty before we get back in the car. She says yes, so I clean up our trash and pick the Little One up from the high chair when the Big One announces, “I’m gonna get sick.” Seeing as how the Carls’ Jr. is now full of people, I grabbed her by the arm and make a bee line for the bathroom.

She says again and again that she is going to get sick. Yes, we were sitting as far away from the bathrooms as possible so it was a long journey. Again the good Lord above was smiling at us and the big stall was open. {the bathroom is only a two seater and considering the number of people in the restaurant it is a miracle that it was empty.}

I tell the Big One to go ahead and get sick in the toilet. She starts crying, “I don’t want to get sick…. I don’t want to get sick.” Meanwhile I am trying to calm her down and reassure her it will be okay and she will feel better once she throws up. {just a side note, the child has puked four times in her entire life… once in the car and the other three in bed.}

She will not have any of this, she is freaked out by the prospect of puking in the toilet, so I reach for the little plastic bag in the feminine hygiene trash can in the stall. Miracle number three, the bag is clean and empty. So I hold the bag over the toilet and she throws up in the bag.

By now you should be wondering what was the Little One doing at this point? Well, I’ll tell you, she was foraging through my purse for food. She found the box with the leftover chicken stars, opened the box and was systematically taking a chicken star out, eating one bite, and placing it on the bathroom floor. Once she got through the stars in the box she started at the beginning picking them up off the bathroom floor taking a bite and placing it back on the floor.

So while the Big One is puking in the little bag over the toilet, the Little One is eating off the bathroom floor and I can hear at least four people waiting in line for the bathroom. Yes, we had a great time at the Carl’s Jr. on Temescal Canyon Road.

To group of lovely young ladies who were waiting in line, I am terribly sorry. And to your future husbands who wanted to have children, I am terribly sorry that your wives will no longer want children.